I Am Not A Parent.

Bold title, right?  Catch your attention?  Good.

Because I mean it.  And, no don't mean that I've gone screaming into the wilderness, abandoning my children to fend for themselves.  Or not today anyway.

I am obviously someone's mother.  Two people actually.  These two, clinging-monkey-like creatures that can only use the names "Mom" or "MOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!" when they need something.  "No, no darlings.  Let's not bother Dad's game of Candy Crush.  What can my fifth arm do for you at this surely very urgent moment during my dinner preparation?  Oh, your sister is looking at you?  With both eyes?  At the same time?  Well, I think we should all sit down and talk about feelings in a rational matter."

I am not a mother.  I am not a parent.  I am not even a wife.
I am a person who happens to be a mother, a parent, a wife.
I am just me.  I have needs.  I go nuts.  I cry.  I laugh.  I have insecurities (tons).  I have doubts (even more.)

And what's more is I am a person who doesn't feel like apologizing for being me:

I will teach my children to turn on Disney Jr. and watch a show so I can get another 30 minutes of sleep.  Mostly in part because they have interrupted my sleep on at least two, if not three times during the night.  I'm constantly tired because of you little monkeys.  I already want to take a nap tomorrow is on constant replay when I wake up each morning.

I will make "a game" of having the girls bring me a Diet Coke from the fridge because I Just. Sat. Down.  And again, I'm tired because of them!

I will sit on our second couch, separate from the hubs because I just need a little space to feel my own skin not being pushed up against another person (read: those clinging-monkey-like creatures.)  Granted, I will also move to his side of the living room for the exact opposite reason.  Without warning or reason.

I will drink during the week.  It doesn't even have to be someone's birthday.  If I'm feeling extra lazy, I'll go for the wine - you know because of the multiple bottles required to make a vodka tonic and then there's the lime cutting.  A quick pop (or in my case, tapping of boxed wine) is so much easier.

I will turn a certain shade of jealous green browsing Instagram and various style bloggers with their cute chambray shirts, skinny pants and booties.  I'll even buy replicate outfits and then still go out in a hoodie and Toms.  But I will put on lipstick.  I'm not a hobo for goodness sake.

I will get regular bikini waxes.  For me.  I will do so with no intention of Nate even seeing it, let alone anything else.  It's something I do for me.  To feel - nice I guess.  But I guess it does help for those times I do want to play wife, instead of just Liz.  {More on the subject}

I will not over-schedule my children.  Now, I know this seems like me being a parent in this one, but I assure you it is purely selfish.  They will learn to fend for themselves and explore the power of imagination without me hovering over every activity, whether it be in or outside of this house.  I do not wish to be the constant source of entertainment for my kids, nor do I want to play taxi driver.  "Mama's got her stories to watch - go play with the one of 10,000 toy-like items in the house.  Or that toilet paper tube.  But just make sure you're quiet, and it lasts for at least 26 minutes.  In a row." 

Here comes that fortune-cookie tone again:  I'm learning to embrace the fact that I can't fill up anyone else if I'm empty.  I need to know this fact, and demand this in my world.

Being honest with Nate about my needs is extremely important (and vice versa - dudes need to be just people too.)  The children are too little, too selfish still to know the difference.  They can't help that they're jerks sometimes; this is where having that support to "tap out" is critical.  Recognizing this in our marriage has been extremely important.  It makes us better, so when we do come to the table as "mom", "husband" or "personal chef" we can do so with a smile because we want to be in that hat, not because we're forced to be.

1 comment:

Shannon Dew said...

Big hugs to you! I love this! I love you! I'm right there with you! Yesterday I literally sat for the first time at 8pm and Kendall said, "Mom, can I have a drink of water?" For the love! Sure! OK! No problem!!!!!

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