Wax Your Junk

Fair warning, Mom and Dad - do not tune into this one.  If you are squeamish, you probably can skip this too.  

I was trying to think of some clever play on words to title this post, but really, it comes down to brutal honesty.  We're going to talk about bikini waxing today - specifically Brazilian bikini waxing.  That's the kind where they don't just take in the sides, they take the whole kit and caboodle (minus a little flair if you'd like to leave some.)

If you are curious about how to become a pro-waxing client, please, read on dear friend.  I promise to be honest, yet funny and make you as comfortable as I possibly can, so that the next time you lay half naked in front of a perfect (and professional) stranger you'll just stare at the ceiling and not imagine what your junk looks like at that particular moment in time.

Here we go.

{she doesn't care}
The first, and probably the most important things to remember when you enter that little white room is she doesn't care what you look like.  She's see a lot of crotch and yours is no different.  My favorite esthetician (the professional title for a person who deal with waxing vag, among other skin care needs) told me once:  Unless it's got jewels on it, I'm not even looking at your body.  I'm looking at the hair and trying to take it all out because that's what you're paying me to do.  And she doesn't care about how "hairy" you are either.  You're in her room because you want it removed, obviously there's got to be something there to remove.  

{get comfortable}
Make yourself a little more comfortable before the service:  pop some Advil, go to the bathroom one more time (just in case), use a baby wipe if you'd like, and leave your socks on!  The last one is silly, but serious.  The last thing you want to do is be shivering cold, and shivering from the adrenaline rushing through your body during your first time.  If you're wondering about proper protocol or judgement from your esthetician, refer to previous paragraph.

{distract yourself}
This isn't your first time.  Certainly, you've been to the doctor and in the same position.  Naked, though modestly covered, legs spread and someone is talking looking around down there, while talking to you about your weekend.  This is good.  Small talk is your friend in the situation.  Not only does it allow you to make friends with your new best friend down there, but it's a wonderful distraction from the pain.  Hello - she is ripping hair from one of your more sensitive parts.  It's gonna hurt.  Take all the distraction you can get.  Chewing gum, or even a sucker is fantastic, trust me.  If you're wondering about proper protocol or judgement from your esthetician, refer to previous paragraph.

{help out}
I don't mean grab the wax pot and take over, but move your body so that she can do her job.  Laying with your legs slightly parted because of embarrassment isn't helping anyone.  The best position I've found is "the frog."  Put your feet together and bend your knees.  Yes, I know:  Super exposed.  Super embarrassing, in fact.  Refer to that first paragraph again.  Also, pulling up ever so slightly on your lower belly to keep that area taught is also helpful (unless you have a 6-pack, in which case I kind of hate you, but love your body, but whatever.)

{keep at it}
Your first time will be painful.  And then you'll be tempted to take that razor around the 2-3 week mark and take care of the regrowth.  Put that razor down and wait.  Waxing stubble is terrible.  Try to get on a schedule for every 4-6 weeks.  The longer you let the hair grow, the more painful it is to yank out, but if you go too often, there's nothing to the wax to grab.  A happy medium can be found.  The best part is the more often you go, the easier it becomes.  I've been at this for almost three years, and my time on the bed is about 15 minutes, max.  And I hardly flinch anymore.  Give me a break, she's ripping hair from my body, I'm not a robot!

Some of the perks...

Awesome sex.  (Sorry for the honestly, but it's true.)
Happy husband.  (Refer to first reason.)
No fear of those pesky little "peekers" during swim suit season.
Doing something for yourself.  
Having a little secret, all for yourself (and the hubs too I suppose.)

Hopefully you're a little braver and are willing to give this a go!  Power through the first couple of times - don't give up, and you'll be glad you stuck with it.

Get it.  Stuck with it.  Wax.  It's funny.  *boo*


Nicole said...

The first time I got waxed downstairs was awful. The woman did a horrible job, and I had to shave a day later, because she missed half the hair.

A few months later, I found a Groupon for three Brazillians for the cost of one. I went for it, and figured if it wasn't something I was into, I didn't lose out. I decided to get my legs and brows done at the same time.

The girl I had, Steph, was absolutely wonderful. She did my legs first, we took a quick break so she could make a couple phone calls, and I could use the washroom. They had baby wipes in there to help clean up, it was awesome!

When I went back in for the Brazillian, she had the bed set up so I could do the frog. There were rolled towels for under my knees, and she had a couple of those weird stress ball things. We continued talking about random stuff, and it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. She had me stretch my skin a few times, and it made it way easier for her, and I'd like to think less painful for me. She also had me do the "elbows and knees" to get everything around the back. I thought this would hurt, but it wasn't bad at all!!

As soon as she finished, she gave me a soothing cream to rub everywhere that needed it. It was really nice. She cleaned up a few things, had me get dressed, sat me in a chair, and did my brows super fast.

Overall, I was in the salon for maybe two hours, but that included a lot of chatting and showing each other pictures on our phones. I'd go get it done again in a heartbeat!!

momFITtingitallin said...

Good tips...however I am opting for the laser...fingers crossed all goes well :)

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