2/7/14

Mama's Having a Day

Time for some hard truths.

Avery is almost 3-years old, which means:  Hooray, she's out of her terrible twos, and Boo, into the even shittier threes.
I am having harder and harder days with her.
She's not the happy baby she once was.
She fusses over every little thing.
She's becoming a horrible eater.
She won't poop, she's back in diapers and refusing the potty (which mind you, she was about 80% trained only a few months ago.)
Olivia is asked to concede a lot of things to appease her crying sister (and graciously she does.)
I can't properly get mad at Avery, so I get mad at everything else.

I've hit a point where through the course of my day, I go one of two ways:

Become screaming, mad mom who can only get anyone to listen by shouting above the noise….

…or….

simply shut down.  I sit on the couch and try to block the noise (and if you've heard Avery scream, she's liable to bust an eardrum one of these days) I just let the waves of helplessness wash over me.

I don't know why she's so angry.  Why she's so sensitive.  Why she refuses to poop for days at a time, even in a diaper or pull-ups.  Why she won't eat something unless it's cheese or green peas, oh and cookies.

And if I don't know the cause of the problem, I'm even further from finding out how to fix it.

We were leaving the gym a few days ago, and of course, Avery was losing her mind over having to put socks back on.  Seems reasonable cause for a meltdown.  I'm trying to play it cool and comment "this age is just so fun, isn't it" to the girls working at the child center.  The workers laugh along and one says "You know, the same hormone that makes girls crazy as teenagers is the same thing going through their bodies when they're three."

I almost cried right there in the middle of the Lifetime Fitness Child Center.

I'm smart enough to know that in another seven years or so, Nate and I are going to have our work cut out for us with teenage girls, but please, please, please don't tell me it's going to be more of this.  Of this Avery.  About the only thing that I can say to comfort myself as the sadness crushes my lungs is: this is just her age, it will pass, right?

What if it doesn't?

What if I can't handle this?
Surely I am not a total failure because I've managed to keep her alive, so basic needs are being met.
But I am failing her somehow and it's breaking my heart.
What if she can tell that I'm angry?  What if that's what's making her sad?
I've always said that Avery picked me to be her mom, but what if she was wrong?
What if she ends up hating me because of it.

And I have another child - what if I screw up two for the price of one?
I'm sure I'm doing better than most, but it doesn't feel like it from my cheap seats.
And it sure doesn't meet the expectations I have, and let's be honest, I don't think I'm setting the bar out of reach.

Give me the strength to power through, without drinking myself stupid before she's four.
Please.


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3 comments:

Sami Seibert said...

I felt like I was reliving one of the days in my own house while reading your post. We are having a difficult time with our 5 and almost 3 year old girls also. I feel as frustrated and worried as you. The same thoughts run through my head as well. I'm not looking forward to the teenage years either if they are anything like what we've been going through. But with all that said I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not doing it alone, my husband is there by my side and we are struggling through it together. We take the good days when they come and deal with the bad, moody ones when too. They will grow out of it eventually. We all did!!

Keep your chin up Mom! You're doing a good job!! :)

-Sami @ yoursmineandours2013.blogspot.com

cpanzer18 said...

I definitely know what you're going through! EVERY Parent goes through that, and it is no fun.

As foe her not eating...this is what worked for our 3 year old a few years back: Let her stay hungry! Yes, it's mean, and all of that blah blah blah, but it worked! She only did it for a day. Seriously. IT WORKS.

She, just like your little one, only wanted corn and bagels. One day I got fed up, and told her if she didn't eat what we put in front of her that she couldn't have anything else for dinner, or the rest of the day. Well, of course she threw a fit, and cried and cried and screamed and cried some more. It broke my heart. But I had to do it.

We put her to bed, still kicking and creaming that she's hungry. TOO BAD!! Even though on the inside I really wanted to give her some corn to appease her. Breakfast came around. All she wanted was a bagel, but we were having omelettes. Still no eating going on.

Then, lunch came. Same thing. Still screaming. Plate untouched.

Then, the magic happened at dinner. I guess that's when she realized that she's really not getting anything unless she eats what's on her plate. We had salad, fish, and beans. And guess what?! She ate ALL OF IT. Oh yes. And asked for more!!

From then on, problem fixed. She eats what she gives her even if she doesn't like it. And yes, she still gets to eat corn and bagels as well.

She is now 12, and we've used this on her twice now. 2nd time was when she was 9, and it sank in better that time. We did padlock the fridge and took all food out of the pantry too in case she tried to sneak some food at night.

As for the future? I will not hesitate to do it again. Especially since she's getting to the bratty age now. Ah!

My point? You CAN and WILL win the battle in the end. Getting there though, is quite rough. But it can be done!!

As for teeny-boppers. I'm just starting to learn to deal with them!!

Good luck, and God speed, my friend. :-)

Sara McFall said...

Oh, I'm feeling this now with my daughter and she isn't 3 until June! I have no advise, since I'm going though the same thing, just know your not alone. Mine busted her lip in bed last night because she was so angry about going to bed that the flailed until she hit the railings. We haven't started potty training, but she was in a toddler bed for all of two weeks before putting her back in the crib.I feel we got 2 steps forward with her and then 20 back in one day.

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