Dear {blank}, please {blank}

Have you ever had a very witty and sometimes heated conversation with a stranger, that's all in your mind?  You know what I mean - the person who cuts you off in the parking lot, the lady who can't stop running into your heals with her shopping cart.  I have the Minnesota-nice in me where I just smile and say "No problem" but the inner-brat in me is going nuts with smart jabs that would make any studio audience go nuts!

So I've started a list.  This is sure to continue.

Dear Lady on the Treadmill Next to Me,
Please stop talking on your phone.  One:  it's a flip phone that I had when I was 19.  And Two, it's obnoxious.  I can only crank the volume on Parenthood so much.  Oh and Three, you're huffing and puffing so I'm sure the person on the other line is equally annoyed.

Dear Woman Scoping the Same Clearance Rack as Me,
Please give me an arms length of space please.  I promise, if I put it down, you can have it.  You don't need to reach over me to check out my discarded item that might be 30% off gold.  Slow your roll.

Dear Parent of the 8-Year Old at Target, mid-day, mid-week,
Why is your kid not in school??  If they're home sick, be home sick.  If they're home-schooled, shouldn't they be at home learning, not drinking an Icee while you run errands?

Dear Boobalicious Lady at the Gym,
Please go workout instead of talking to everyone else.  They are clearly in the middle of their workout and you clearly have the need to feel popular.  Get a job.

Dear Menards Employees,
Sorry to have interrupted your super-important conversation that I'm sure was about work and not about how cold your Mom's basement gets, but I need some help over here.  Thanks.

Dear J-Hole Parents at Elementary Drop-Off,
Please use the parking lot.  This lane is for dropping off.  Not parking, walking in, chatting and wasting time.  Push 'em out the door, get a kiss and move along.

Dear Candy Crush,
I just don't know how to quit you.  That is all.

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Andrea said...

Bahahaha....love this! I have fake conversations in my mind all the time! At the gym about a month ago there were two young college gals on the elliptical next to me looking very dolled up with makeup and straightened hair, smelling of perfume and jabbering on about what they were going to eat that day. I couldn't crank House Hunters up at higher and I was so annoyed. It made me realize how old I'm getting. Ha! :) I also feel that way about kids who are out around 8 p.m.! Drives me nuts when kids are out "late" and should be in bed. Thanks for sharing. -Andrea

Organized Chaos said...

So funny! Love it! I am always having these types of convo's in my head too...then all the sudden I'll look around like Ooo em gee...I wonder if I just said that out loud...because it was really loud in my head! ;-)

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