6/6/13

Good Job?

I want to have a moment where I just vent,
dump,
crab and complain this week.

It was a rough one.

Avery is 2.
She is all of two and just a shit.
I can say that.
I love her.
My world would end if she were gone.
But I actually called her an asshole this week.
Not my proudest moment.

She tests my patience.  I already know I have very little patience to spare.
Small children only grate on what I have.  After Liv at this age, (and then some) there is very little to speak of.
Refusing to cooperate.  To pick up.  To listen.  To do ANYTHING.  Rubs me raw.
Tuesday was my breaking point.
I had one of those moments where I thought:  I'm failing.

I'm failing to financially provide, to succeed at this little blogging thing, to succeed at my Etsy shop, to succeed in my efforts to share the cute of Stella & Dot.  I'm failing to feel sane at home.
Laundry is piling, floors are dirty, my kids have ketchup on their face from God-know-when.
The husband and I are together, but let's be honest - we have had our days when it has been touch-and-go.

They love me and I love them.
But am I really doing a good job?

It feels like I'm pulled everywhere and can't do it all OK enough.
Who knows - I could be pulled in one solid direction and still fail.
Even better feeling.

Deep down, my rational voice is shouting: You're doing fine.
Probably better than fine.
You're doing great.
But that voice was far away this week.  Like way down, hard to hear, buried so deep.
I know my kids love me.
I know my husband loves me.
I should love me too.

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4 comments:

Marta M said...

You are doing the best you can and that is what matters. You are the best mama that you could be, you are the best wife that you can be, you are the best cook/cleaner/provider and the most important thing is that you give your best. That is all that your kids, hubs and everybody around would expect......

Or at least that is what I am telling myself. True or not I try to be the best. I may not win the contest for the mother that never yells at her child, never gets annoyed with the shit that she does sometimes, never argues *cough*RIGHT*cough* with her husband and never has PMS moods and argues without a reasone just for the argument itfelf......THe most important is that you are giving all of yourself that at the given moment you have to offer.

said that momma of a three year old that still has ketchup on her face from lunch. If she is not bothered with that.....then whatever. She will be cleaned in the evening or she will just wipe it on a pillow.

I hav those days too, days that I suck at everything and question anything form motherhood to the way I should look. The kids are alive, they have something to eat (obviously in my household I consider ketchup as a sustenance) and you are still being/trying/holding on with your hubs. That already is an accomplishment, and that is what I am telling myslef every day

Your relatively new bloglovin follower :)
M

Creative Raisins said...

There is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. Some days I don't like my kids but I always love them. Their job is to test our patience and see how far they can push your limits and trust me mine do a really good job at this. I think if at the end of the day everyone feels loved you are doing a good job.

Lisa

Creative Raisins

~Dawn~ said...

Parenting is hard! We've all been there and had these very same days/weeks/or even longer. If you can, take a few moments to yourself to rejuvenate and it never hurts to vent your feelings out every once in awhile.

Geeky Mom said...

You won't be the first momma to think "I'm failing at this" and you won't be the last. I have found myself at the point where I hate myself because my three year old drove me insane! We are human and we have our breaking point. Hang in there!

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