5/28/15

MORE Things You Should Know If We're Going to be BFF

The recap on the other things you should know about me if we're going to be BFF.


My home is not ever going to look like those in Pinterest.  Not for lack of trying, but most of our living space is where natural light goes to die and I just hate dusting and cannot avoid the clutter.

We have DVR, Netflix, Prime Instant Video.  I am addicted to binge watching shows, and make no apologies.  If you are looking for good shows to binge, or just watch like a normal person, a little a time, let me know!  I've made lists!!

I keep a journal of blogging ideas next to my bed.

I hate to floss.  

I have a very odd respect for fictional villains.  I admire authors who can write such a complex character.  For example:  Hannibal is a freak, serial killer cannibal, however he's so smart and charming.  

I am the youngest of six kids, however I am an only child from my parents' marriage.  From my siblings,  I have five nephews and four nieces, with only being older than seven of them:  one nephew is a year older than I am, and I am only weeks older than a second.

When my mother's side of the family gets together, we're like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, except we're German, not Greek, so there's no lamb on a spit in the yard.  But there is beer pong.  Lots of it.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  I had no idea it would be this hard, or that I would have so many doubts about my skill level or ability.  Like constantly doubt my skill level.

I hate coffee.  I don't even like coffee-flavored things.  I drink Diet Coke in the morning (and afternoon) for my caffeine jumpstart.

While we're on flavors, I only like mint as a breath freshener.  No thank you to the mint-flavored chocolate, ice cream, or otherwise.

I have had braces twice in my life and one side of my mouth is still jacked up.  For this reason, I prefer to stand on left side of a picture.

I only use my iron for my banners and almost four-years later from the original post, I still don't know how to fold a fitted sheet.

Even though I work part-time, I still feel the loneliness and pressures of being a stay-at-home mom.  I get to wear both stressful hats, how awesome is that?!

5/19/15

Wax Your Junk

Fair warning, Mom and Dad - do not tune into this one.  If you are squeamish, you probably can skip this too.  

I was trying to think of some clever play on words to title this post, but really, it comes down to brutal honesty.  We're going to talk about bikini waxing today - specifically Brazilian bikini waxing.  That's the kind where they don't just take in the sides, they take the whole kit and caboodle (minus a little flair if you'd like to leave some.)

If you are curious about how to become a pro-waxing client, please, read on dear friend.  I promise to be honest, yet funny and make you as comfortable as I possibly can, so that the next time you lay half naked in front of a perfect (and professional) stranger you'll just stare at the ceiling and not imagine what your junk looks like at that particular moment in time.

Here we go.

{she doesn't care}
The first, and probably the most important things to remember when you enter that little white room is she doesn't care what you look like.  She's see a lot of crotch and yours is no different.  My favorite esthetician (the professional title for a person who deal with waxing vag, among other skin care needs) told me once:  Unless it's got jewels on it, I'm not even looking at your body.  I'm looking at the hair and trying to take it all out because that's what you're paying me to do.  And she doesn't care about how "hairy" you are either.  You're in her room because you want it removed, obviously there's got to be something there to remove.  

{get comfortable}
Make yourself a little more comfortable before the service:  pop some Advil, go to the bathroom one more time (just in case), use a baby wipe if you'd like, and leave your socks on!  The last one is silly, but serious.  The last thing you want to do is be shivering cold, and shivering from the adrenaline rushing through your body during your first time.  If you're wondering about proper protocol or judgement from your esthetician, refer to previous paragraph.

{distract yourself}
This isn't your first time.  Certainly, you've been to the doctor and in the same position.  Naked, though modestly covered, legs spread and someone is talking looking around down there, while talking to you about your weekend.  This is good.  Small talk is your friend in the situation.  Not only does it allow you to make friends with your new best friend down there, but it's a wonderful distraction from the pain.  Hello - she is ripping hair from one of your more sensitive parts.  It's gonna hurt.  Take all the distraction you can get.  Chewing gum, or even a sucker is fantastic, trust me.  If you're wondering about proper protocol or judgement from your esthetician, refer to previous paragraph.

{help out}
I don't mean grab the wax pot and take over, but move your body so that she can do her job.  Laying with your legs slightly parted because of embarrassment isn't helping anyone.  The best position I've found is "the frog."  Put your feet together and bend your knees.  Yes, I know:  Super exposed.  Super embarrassing, in fact.  Refer to that first paragraph again.  Also, pulling up ever so slightly on your lower belly to keep that area taught is also helpful (unless you have a 6-pack, in which case I kind of hate you, but love your body, but whatever.)

{keep at it}
Your first time will be painful.  And then you'll be tempted to take that razor around the 2-3 week mark and take care of the regrowth.  Put that razor down and wait.  Waxing stubble is terrible.  Try to get on a schedule for every 4-6 weeks.  The longer you let the hair grow, the more painful it is to yank out, but if you go too often, there's nothing to the wax to grab.  A happy medium can be found.  The best part is the more often you go, the easier it becomes.  I've been at this for almost three years, and my time on the bed is about 15 minutes, max.  And I hardly flinch anymore.  Give me a break, she's ripping hair from my body, I'm not a robot!

Some of the perks...

Awesome sex.  (Sorry for the honestly, but it's true.)
Happy husband.  (Refer to first reason.)
No fear of those pesky little "peekers" during swim suit season.
Doing something for yourself.  
Having a little secret, all for yourself (and the hubs too I suppose.)

Hopefully you're a little braver and are willing to give this a go!  Power through the first couple of times - don't give up, and you'll be glad you stuck with it.

Get it.  Stuck with it.  Wax.  It's funny.  *boo*

5/15/15

random thoughts

I had a wonderful Mother's Day.  Right up until Avery lost her shit over having to brush her teeth before bed.  All the nice just went right down the drain, so to speak.

Whenever I see a thin woman, I remind myself she is very, very hungry.  May not be 100% accurate, but it makes me feel good.

I am re-reading Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn because I can't wait for the new movie to be released (and all of the other books I want to read have a wait at the library.)

I claimed I didn't plant any flowers over the weekend because the flower boxes on our deck need to be reinforced.  Really, it's because I'm a little lazy and know that I'll end up killing them in the 90 degree heat of summer.

I am starting to work more from home because summer construction blows.  I shouldn't need to sit in my car for 60 minutes to do creative design work that I can do from my living room with Netflix.   Hard pass.  Thankfully, my team is cool and they get it.

I made the mistake of Googling "Netflix" Original shows.  I now have no life, and will be on the couch if you need me.

My house has the constant, lingering smell of acrylic paint right now, thanks to these darling Mason Jars.  (Want one?  Or 10?  Blog exclusive coupon code:  BLOGBUDDY will save you 25% at checkout!)

I am hosting my book club tonight and am dreading the thought that it won't be nice enough to sit outside.  I would prefer to clean as little as possible before these women come to my house.

{Warning:  Southern Charm on Bravo! reference} I am the only one who is a little mad at Cameron for marrying someone other than Shep.  I'm sure her husband is a darling man, but I really like the chemistry between those two.

Liv:  I put extra butter on your toast.
Avery:  Thanks, sis.  Is that because you love me?
Liv:  You got that right, sis.

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